Before I get into all of that I have some things to share, because there is a bit of back story that needs said in order to really understand everything...
1. My post on the 24th about the baby "probably coming very soon" was a bit of a lie. We knew. That day at the appointment we discussed the fact that if it wasn't natural by Wednesday then she would be induced by Friday, however her midwife of choice would not be there starting Friday morning, which left the appointment on Wednesday morning all but certain for some major developments.
2. I have been slightly vague about our birth parents, that is mostly to protect them, but also because the situation we matched with was slightly uncommon in the world of infant adoption. Frankly it might be hard to understand without being in the conversations we had along the way. Our birth parents are a married couple of 4 years and our 28 years old. They both work full time and own their own home, they are essentially just like us, we're even the same age. They were actually married a month after us. I will refer to them as E (mom) & J (dad) going forward. Its hard for people to understand their reasoning's and I won't get into them either, but we spent a lot of time with them the past couple months and really didn't have too much doubt going into it.
3. We became friends, one might even say good ones, and they will be a part of our lives for years to come. We fully intend to have a very open adoption with them and who knows, they may make some appearances at family events in the future.
Ok, now that we have all that cleared up. Here is the story of February 26, 2014. The last time it would just be Adam & Erin.
So, Monday at the midwife appointment we had a non-stress test scheduled. During this we listed to the heart beat and saw what we were told were contractions. They seemed pretty consistent and pretty evenly spaced. Actually J and I were joking about it and at one point he said "I thought when your contractions we're spaced like that it was time to have a baby?", we laughed and figured we had no idea what we were talking about. A few minutes later the midwife came in, looked at the machine then back at E and said, "Honey, are you in labor?" At that point we all looked at each other with blank faces and nervously laughed. She wasn't, but she was having early contractions. We went to the waiting area at that point so she could examine her (we are friends, but not that good). She was very slightly dilated, but not enough for concern. At this point the midwife said she should come back Wednesday if she was still pregnant. But at this point is also when she said it wasn't going to be recommended that she carry past the end of the week, due to size concerns (spoiler alert: shes was a tiny baby). So at that point Wednesday was looking very real.
We all chatted a lot the next couple evenings about the impending changes that we were all about to experience and also started to refine the name list, since we all decided to name the baby together.
5:30am
Wednesday morning came pretty fast. We had to be up a little after 5 because we needed to be in Westlake by 7:30 for the appointment. We're on our way and about 20 minutes into our ride we realize that the car isn't really warming up (our new one by the way). Its also a balmy 8ยบ this morning, and I am wearing a pair of mesh running shoes. We freeze for 1 hour and 15 minutes.
7:30am
We get to the hospital for the midwife appointment and meet E&J there. When we go back for the visit they put the monitor back on her and we wait for her midwife to pop in. It is determined that they are going to strip her membranes in hope that it will stimulate her labor naturally and she won't have to be chemically induced. Another thing about E is that she is a very natural person, to the point that Motrin is more druggy than she is interested in taking. So any chance to avoid medications she can muster is what her plan is.
We headed back to the waiting area again and about 30 minutes later J came out and said that they had broke her water during the exam so things might start developing.
Que instant anxiety on our part.
A little while later they came out and E walked to the desk and said see ya Monday and we all walked out. Generally, once your water breaks they want you to be admitted and wait it out. Her midwife is really great and knows how E wants this birth to go, so she tells her to keep her mouth shut and get outta here and walk around at the mall and get some rest.
8:30am
We're done at the midwife and that baby is probably coming today. What is there to do for two adoptive parents and two birth parents? Clearly go grab some breakfast at the Bob Evans down the street, so that's what we did.
10:00am
We finish up breakfast and talk about what else the plan for the day will be. We all decided to just spend the day together, hang out and see what happens. However at this point we made the decision that we should run back home and swap cars since we had no heat in the one we drove up there. J mentioned at breakfast that taking a baby home in a car with no heat might not be the best call. We agreed.
They were going to take some time to themselves to lay down for a bit and we would just give them a call when we were back up in the area. We thought we were doing so well, we had everything packed in the car the night before so we were fully ready to camp out in Westlake for a few days, but now we get to run back to Massillon because our new car is more akin to a walk-in freezer than a vehicle.
1:00pm
Car swap and repack is complete and we are back in Westlake. E&J had spend some time doing some stretches and other things the midwife recommended to spur labor and were about to head over to the mall to walk around. We met them there and spent the next couple hours walking about, checking out the tea store, making jokes and just hanging around.
This is on of the things that I will absolutely never forget. We'd spent time together before; dinners, grabbing coffee and chatting, but this was different. We were no longer two couples who had been paired through a series of emails and a face to face meeting via the adoption agency. We were a couple friends who had been brought together by quite a series of events that probably neither of us would have chosen to experience, but we had, and we were all just trying so hard to be the most supportive of each other that we could. They never wanted to get themselves to the point that they needed to give a baby away for adoption, and we were "supposed" to have had our baby in December. Our time together that day was really no different than if Erin and I had been at the mall with our friends Marc & Brandy or Emily & Joel trying to help them stimulate their labor.
It was almost if we had all just accepted the uniqueness of our relationship and saw it for what it was. Four people who really loved this little baby who was getting ready to come into the world and wanted nothing but the best for her in life.
3:30pm
The midwife told us to come back around 3:30 and say she was having contractions so that she could see how things were developing. While we were at the mall the contractions did seem to pick up in intensity a bit. They were back in the office for over an hour on the machine being monitored. Around 4:30 they came out and basically what was happening was she was in full early labor. The midwife said that she though it would happen very late that night or early in the morning. So she sent them back home to have dinner and get some rest. Just to show what kind of people these two are, they asked us what we wanted to do and said they felt bad about just leaving us hanging and heading home.
We told them to go eat dinner and take a nap, because the more rested she was the easier this would all go for her. We decided that we would just grab a hotel room down the street so that we were always close by if the time came. We said our goodbyes and parted ways for a little bit. Erin and I had some Outback giftcards so we decided to go grab a good meal, since we weren't sure when the next one would be.
Another development at this appointment was that E's blood pressure had come down, it was a little elevated at the appointment in the morning. This was important because it was her intent to give birth in water. If her pressure was up they would only allow her to labor in water but not actually birth. So now she was free and clear. We were so happy for her that she didn't have to have any medications and was able to get into labor naturally and now was cleared to be able to deliver in water like she wanted.
E & J may have not wanted children, but they care more than a lot of people who I know with kids. She spent her entire pregnancy taking pregnancy yoga classes at the hospital and towards the end was getting regular alignments at the chiropractor to help aide in delivery. She also cut out caffeine and ate a full natural diet. This girl is a machine and unbelievably impressive as a person.
6:45pm
We have finished dinner and have arrived back at the our palatial estate known as La Quinta. Erin decided she should shower, again because who knows when the next one might come. I turn on American Werewolf in Paris and think "this movie is ridiculous".
7:07pm
Erin has literally just got out of the shower and is digging thru her clothes to find something comfy to wear. Both of our phones ding (we use Google voice so that all texts and calls are forwarded to both our phones, also it help in the anonymity of the adoption process, even though we were long past this with these two). The text just said "we are heading to the hospital". The plan had been that they would let us know when they were leaving and then we would come over once they were admitted. I still thought I could grab a quick shower, Erin had other ideas. She turned in to a tornado and had quickly repacked all of our things and was ready to go. I said calm down I think we have a bit of time. After all I've seen doctor shows and I know that once you go into labor it takes hoouuurrrsssss to have the baby, duh.
She said, get in the car.
We got in the car.
7:33pm
We pull in and park at the hospital. J says he will be waiting for us at the entrance and go up with us. He said they just took her up. I told him "that seemed to develop quickly." He laughed and said once it started to get more intense it happened really fast.
7:37pm
We're in the maternity ward and have decided to just sit in the small sitting area by the coffee machine and fridge. J tells us he's going to go check on her and he'll let us know whats going on in a few. A couple minutes later he comes back and tells us "apparently she's really close, like, really really close", then he runs back down the hall.
They offered us something earlier that day at the midwife's that we had never expected and only existed in our dreams. Erin was going to be in the room when the baby was born, and that they were going to give her straight to Erin for skin to skin immediately after birth. We could never have asked for that or hardly even thought that it could be a possibility, we were luck enough as adoptive parents to even be at the hospital, let alone to be there when she arrived.
One of the nurses found us and said that they were going to move us right outside the door so that right before the baby was coming they could come grab Erin and bring her in.
8:00pm
The midwife came out of the room and gave us an update her words are something I will never forget, she said "this baby is coming like a bat outta hell." She told Erin to get ready and that they will be coming for her very soon.
And a few minutes later they did.
At this point I'm sitting in the hallway, by myself with two iPhones frantically texting our closest friends giving them blow by blow updates. I can hear E in there screaming and the midwife and nurses encouraging her along. I knew it was going to be really soon. The best thing I could say to everyone was "I'm going to puke". Thankfully I didn't actually end up doing so, but I think I was pretty close.
8:14pm
Crying. There is crying coming from the room. She was here. The baby that we had been waiting so long for was not just an idea anymore but a real thing on the other side of the door across from me. I heard the nurse say 5lbs flat, and then I experienced longest few minutes of my life waiting to go into the room and meet my daughter. Also my dear friend Holly gave me permission to puke at this point and if that door didn't open up I may have taken her up on that. Little Eden was a full water birth and had absolutely no problems coming into this world.
The nurse opened the door and said that everything was perfect and that they had the curtain pulled around the tub so E could recover but Erin was on the couch and I could come in and meet her.
I can never forget walking into that room and seeing Erin sitting so peacefully on the couch with the most perfect little baby snuggled up against her chest, with her big blue eyes looking up at me. I lost it, slightly. We spend a few minutes there and then our nurse Chanin took the three of us down to a small room at the end of the hall that they decided we would be staying in until we could take the baby home.
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| Our very first family picture. |
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| Look at those eyes. |
You're probably trying to imagine how all these people fit into a hospital room. This is not a normal room, its giant. By giant I don't mean big, I mean huge. Check it out.
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| You cant see the giant sitting area right behind the camera, or smell all the aromatherapy being pumped into the suite. It is right for all you moms to feel super jealous right now. Its ok, I forgive you, its an amazing room. |
It was a slow night in the ward and Chanin was only responsible for us and E & J. She spent a lot of time with us that night helping us figure out what were doing and we will never forget her or any of the staff at the hospital. So many times with adoption the adoptive parents aren't treated like new parents and aren't even given rooms at the hospital many times. They treated us like we just birthed her ourselves, and that is something we can never thank them enough for.
The following days
We spent a lot of time with our friends E & J the following day and even for a little bit later in the night after she was born. On Thursday we decided the little peanut's name would be Eden and then a week later we decided on Jeanette as a middle name. Her name is a bit of a tribute to all four of us. Eden is an "E" for Erin and E and Jeanette is a "J" for my middle name and J's first name.
There was so much that was unexpected from the whole adoption experience. We never thought we'd be there when she was born, never thought we'd be the first to hold her and we never thought we'd grow to love and care for the birth family so much. But all of that happened.
One of the hardest things at the hospital was when E & J were leaving. They spent close to 2 hours in our room with us chatting and waiting for all of our favorite nurse Chanin to come on so that they could say thanks and goodbye to her as well. When they actually left to go home was the toughest moment we had at the hospital. We all knew that the right decision was made, but the uncertainty of the future was the problem. We didn't know if we were losing our friends and if our relationship would ever be able to be the same now that Eden was here. We had talked and talked about all staying in each others lives, we all hugged when they left and I told them we are all family at this point and we're bonded for life. But you never know how things will work out in the end, and there was a real chance that we'd never see these two amazing people who came into our lives only two months prior, but who we'd grown to deeply care about over that short time.
Pair that with a new baby and no sleep and you'll get an emotional breakdown.
I could write for pages on how amazing these two are as people, but I won't bore you with all of that. I will say the J is the picture of what a man and a husband should be. The way he cared for E throughout the whole process was truly nothing short of inspiring. If more people in this world could live by his example, there would be far less issues. The way those two put the greater good before themselves is nothing short of amazing. We are honestly honored to consider them our friends and humbled that they gave us the greatest gift of all, out sweet little Eden.
They told us to send them a message when we got home so that they knew we made it home safely. After a few messages back and forth it really seemed like they were ok, which was a huge relief to us. Thinking that they were hurting so bad, because we were so happy was a hard thing to handle. No one wants a friend to suffer on their behalf.
I sent J an email with some personal things I wanted to tell him at the hospital that I just simply never got a chance to since it all went so fast and we heard back from them a couple days later. Part of their response was exactly what I would have expected from them, and it really made us feel great.
They said that not to sound weird but they really missed hanging out with us the next day after all the time we spent together. They also said that they wanted to send us a message but also didn't want to intrude, she said it was like a first date and they weren't sure how long they were supposed to wait to call. Erin and I laughed really hard, because we had just had the exact same conversation the night before. It just really shows how great they are and how well we all get along.
Last Thursday we finally made it to court for our placement hearing that was supposed to happen 72 hours after birth, it was the first time we'd get to see them since the hospital and we were really excited.
I think it really through the lawyers for a loop when the 4 of us just immediately reverted back to the past like we were old friends that hadn't seen each other in a while. I'm pretty sure that's a little rare in the adoption world. We actually all five went out to dinner after the hearing so we would get to spend some nice time with each other. I think its exactly what we all needed.
We can't say how thankful we are for them and are indebted to them for the rest of our days because of the amazing little girl they gave us. We never thought we'd come out of this process with a perfect little baby and two great new friends, but that's what seems to have happened.
The future is a complete uncharted territory with the 5 of us, but it looks good. Families come in all kinds of ways, ours just got a little more interesting but how else would it be. Hopefully we can all grow together and morph into something really great for the four of us and for Eden. There will be some growing pains along the way I'm sure, but as long as we all put the love for Eden first I'm sure it will all have a happy ending for all of us. It certainly has so far.
I guess that's about it for now. The adoption will be finalized in 6 months due to Ohio law, but I'm sure there might be some more updates along the way. We just really want to thank everyone for all the support along the way. It was a hard road at times, and sometimes looked like a dead end. But it all works out someway in the end. We never imagined it would be this perfect, but it seems to be.
Love won.
Adam & Erin ...and Eden!
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| Thanks everyone!!! |
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