A few weeks back my little friend Benjamin Beltz said to me
“Dendamin up down, up down”. I didn’t think that the time that those few words
from a two year old would hold such a prominent place in the past couple weeks
of our lives.
At last we spoke, I had left you
with the knowledge that we were approved as adoptive parents with a completed
home study and had applied to two different birth situations right out of the
gate. Well, things have been pretty crazy since then so I guess I will catch
you all up.
Along with this adoption we’ve
also been looking to replace our car, apparently the greater powers though it
would be fun for it all to need addressed at once. Brace yourselves because
this one could get long, but you won’t want to miss the surprise twist at the
end.
Did that give it away? Probably
not.
Ok, so when we left off it was
Sept 30 and we had been approved and applied to two birth mother situations. I
received an email three days later from our agency letting us know that the one
situation that we had been really hoping to hear from would like to meet us!
They set a meeting for the following Thursday the 10th at 7pm down
in Dayton. Cue a week of anxious nerves and some sleepless nights.
The night before we were
supposed to drive down to Dayton, I get a call from Erin at about 8:30. She was
at in home appointment in Akron and our car was dead to the world. Awesome. So
off to the shop the car was towed and a phone call to my mom was made to borrow
her car for the next day. Up down, up down.
Thursday afternoon rolls around
and we hit the road. Having not a single clue as what to expect but we were
off, in our borrowed car. We make it through Columbus, then all the way to
Huber Heights. As I’m on the phone with the shop about our car’s busted starter,
Erin get a text from the agency that the meeting may be cancelled. We got off
at the next exit and after some back and forth with the agency the decision was
made for us to go grab some dinner and give it some time. So the wait began.
Finally about 7:30ish we finally got a call that the meeting was in fact going
to be cancelled. Around we turned with a whole huge load of questions and
crushed emotions.
I won’t get in to the reasons
for the cancellation but to us it sounded like a legit excuse, but you really
just never know. However, by time we were back through Columbus on the way home
we had a rescheduled meeting for Sunday afternoon, back down in Dayton.
Ok, back to the car. Friday it’s
got a new windshield and a fresh new starter and we are ready to be rid of it.
Good thing because we had an appointment at 9am in Cleveland to check out the
new car and put a deposit down on it. No problem right? Wrong, someone clicked
Buy It Now on eBay the night before we were to look at it.
Long story short, we go up
anyway to look at two other cars, one of which was being sold just as we pulled
into the dealership. So we chose the other one. Car selection process done. Up
down, up down.
And now we’re back to Sunday and
our meeting. We headed out mid morning hoping that we would in fact actually be
able to have our meeting. That was a stressful ride, every time the phone made
a noise our stomachs fell to our feet. But we never got word of a cancellation.
We arrived a bit early so we walked around a couple stores to pass some time
and then headed over to the restaurant for the meeting. As we were pulling in
we got a call telling us that the meeting was on. Here we go.
Her social worker arrived first
and we talked for 10-15 minutes before our birth mother arrived. We really had
no idea what or who to expect. All we see is some very basic background info on
her, she receives the same for us. The point of the meeting is just to get to
know each other.
I’ll be honest, I think we both
expected someone a little less put together, if not for the simple reason that
they are clearly not in the best life circumstance if they are forced to choose
someone else to parent their child. This is not what we saw, she is a beautiful
and smart young woman who clearly has her act together but has simply come to a
very difficult crossroads in her life. We ended up chatting for almost an hour
and a half and when we left felt a huge bond to her. We talked a lot on the way
home and felt that her situation was simply perfect for us. It’s a weird and
kind of terrible feeling to hope that someone chooses to give up their child
and that you hope they pick you to give it too. Then again this whole process
is full new feelings all around. And generally a huge weight was lifted of our
shoulders. We loved her and the story about Thursday seemed to check out.
So with the meeting out of the
way we can now finalize this car situation. We had found our car, put a deposit
down and secured our financing. One thing left to do, sell the old car. Given that
we had a guaranteed price on it from Auto Trader that would be a simple
transaction right? Wrong. I’ll spare all the gory details but after a few days
going back and forth with a generally dishonest local dealership that shall
remain nameless (but it rhymes with Snake-Um) we were finally rid of the car
and have picked up Erin’s new ride. All is well on the car front. Up down, up
down.
Friday night, a little less than
a week has passed since our meeting and we haven’t received word on a decision
yet. We had got a couple messages along the way that she really liked us and
was still going to need the time to think about this choice a little more. Erin
stared to get very emotional about the whole process Friday evening. The
strange feeling of guilt that someone will have to give up their baby to make
us a family and that the happiest day of our lives will also be the absolute
worst day of theirs just became a little too much to process. Simple fact is that this is an entirely
different monster and no one that has not experienced it can never really know
what kind of feeling start to well up. But on we go.
Saturday morning was a rare one,
Erin was actually off work. We slept in and caught up on some of those
sleepless nights from the week before. I
eventually got up and decided I needed to go out for a run, I’ve been lacking
in that and have been paying for it each time I do drag myself out onto the
road. Who woulda knew that 2 weeks away post marathon would send you so far
back in your conditioning. Not me I guess.
As I’m coming back up our
street, finishing up my 6 miles, I see Erin out in the yard and I am confused.
She runs out into the street, at this point I have no idea what’s happening
other than I am sweaty, tired and my legs hurt. She pulled my headphones off
and said simply, “she picked us, we’re having a baby!”
Let me repeat that.
SHE PICKED US, WE’RE HAVING A
BABY!
Honestly, I had no idea what to
say or feel, so naturally I said the smoothest thing possible at that exact
special moment. “I can’t process this right now, I think I need to finish my
.12 miles.” And then I ran to the end of the street and back. I know, I’m
ridiculous. But I dare you to be able to understand what just happened when you
get news like that sprung on you the second you get back to your house. I could have done better, but that’s just not
me anyway…
We should have paper work today
to sign and become officially matched, but as of right now our daughter (yes,
it’s a girl!) is due to be born in just 63 days. Ya, just 2 months. But look at
the calendar and then those dates a little bit closer. She is due on Christmas
Eve!
The weight of all that has
happened really hasn’t fully hit either of us yet, but we will probably have
the greatest Christmas ever this year and we can not wait. And by some other
miracle, it seems like we actually have all of the money to pay our agency
without taking out a loan or borrowing from our retirement. We had honestly
planned on the match process taking 6ish months or more so we would really be
able to get our finances in order, but that just wasn’t in the cards. And yet
we are still able to have all we need, literally by $25. We are going to be
draining almost every cent of savings and emergency money we have, plus next
month’s grocery budget (so anyone who wants to take us to dinner, you know how
to get ahold of us, lol… but seriously, not really joking) but it’s there.
So go a head and say a prayer
for us that nothing big comes up before we can start to pay ourselves back,
while we say one to say thanks for us have just enough to cover what we need.
While you’re doing that, make sure to say one for our birth mother as well, our
great news is her crushing blow and she should not be forgotten in this at all.
I’m sure the updates should be
flowing from here on out, but right now baby Buttacavoli should make her
appearance on Christmas Eve, in just 2 short months.
Up down, up down, up.
Away we go,
Erin and Adam
